I'VE ALWAYS HAD THIS IDEA IN MY HEAD OF WHO I WANT TO BE. I want to be beautiful, happy, kind, loving, educated, hardworking, and someone who really makes a significant and positive impact on my family and in society. I know that perfection IS achievable with the help of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Because of Him, I can repent of my mistakes and work towards becoming mistake-free. The solution really is a simple thing to do, just difficult-- ALL I have to do is LISTEN TO THE PROMPTINGS OF THE SPIRIT, and if I do, I will naturally become more like Christ.
So why don't I just do it?? Why don't I pray more meaningfully? Why don't I study my scriptures more thoroughly? Why don't I honor and respect my parents? Why do I still let myself be filled with angry feelings and impatience? Why do I still criticize others and not appropriately criticize myself in my own problems? Why am I so LAZY? Why do I procrastinate my responsibilities, especially those regarding my health and education? The answer has to be that I'm NOT LIVING IN A WAY THAT KEEPS THE SPIRIT EVER IN MY LIFE!!! That seems baffling to me sometimes...and I promise that I don't mean that in an arrogant way. It's just that it's easy for me to think that because I have always been a faithful member of the church who keeps the commandments and loves my family and so on, that I should have the Spirit with me constantly! I guess this just goes to show how serious the gospel must be taken: we can't just "go through the motions" of doing this and that NOT doing those and them.
I've known so many members of the church who keep all of the commandments and laws and principles of the gospel to the letter. They seem to have no flaws to speak of. They do EVERYTHING right! But somehow they are still such meanies. On the other hand, I know tons of people who have obvious issues and yet they are so much more Christ-like (charitable, loving, and compassionate) than the letter-of-the-law people. That's the difference. The HEART. The MINDSET. As we strive to live by Christian values, we must also be engulfed in humility and live in complete dependence on the Spirit. We learn this from the true story of the Lamanites and the Nephites in the Book of Mormon: While the Nephites were the Lord's chosen people who supposedly lived so very righteously, it was they who were destroyed in the end while the Lamanites prospered because, although the Lamanites were still very wicked in many ways, at least they were not PRIDEFUL like the Nephites were.
I'm really trying to rid myself of my pride, and to completely open my heart and mind to the promptings of Spirit, in addition to living every principle that the Lord has asked me to live by. I want to be obedient. I want to be happy. I need to just decide here and now that I will stop making excuses and simply do what needs to be done. It's so hard. But I can do it with the support of the Holy Ghost and of my family and friends. Thanks to the atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ, I can and WILL become that beautiful, happy, kind, loving, educated, hardworking, and impactful woman that I've always wanted to be!
